Anyone who knew me in college knew that every Monday night at 8 o’clock central time, I was at someone’s house with a TV, eating their food and watching Ally McBeal. I remember the episode where Ally turns 30. The entire thing is mostly about gray hair, wrinkles, and her plight over getting old. Despite the fact that she has a fabulous career, a more fabulous apartment, a group of cool (enough) friends, and a nightly meet-up at a bar that only television could create, she is unhappy about turning 30. Why?
Because she’s single.
And she has no children.
At 18, 19, and 20, when my view of the world was a delicate balance between the truths of Ally McBeal and Baptist Youth/College Ministry, I considered myself pretty open-minded about that little phenomena known as the biological clock. I have to admit, the security that comes from accomplishing all of my most major life goals before the age of 30 is something that I never planned for and that I certainly take for granted. It probably helps that many of my close friends will be turning 40 before I’m 35. (Some already have.) I have mostly always felt like the baby of my peer group, and though I’m not complaining about that, I cannot express how excited I am to be done with my twenties.
It is probably in my favor that most people who do not know me very well generally assume I am already well into my thirties. This is because I adhere to the belief that the twenty-something decade is, for all intents and purposes, junior high #2. It is exactly as awkwardly transitional. And with a psuedo- sense of comparative inward security raging, most people in their 20’s are exactly as idiotic as they were during puberty. Unfortunately, the consequences are arguably more serious for what could basically be considered the same types of mistakes. As a result, non-twenty-somethings look at twenty-somethings with the same sort of half-pity, half-disdain as the entire world looks at middle school students.
With that in mind, and without going into gruesome detail of all of the mistakes I made in the last 10 years, I do have a few goals for the next 10 years:
- Avoid totaling another mini-van.
- If I find myself in a principal’s office as a result of…
– a “poor work or performance attitude” bordering on disrespect and “negatively affecting general morale”
– a broken nose resulting from a punch in the face
– a misconstrued Ellen DeGeneres comment
– several misconstrued comments resulting from a brief disruption of security on a well-known social media site
…make sure the meeting concerns one of my children and not myself.
- Know when I’ve outgrown something, accept it, and move on (to include cars, houses, clothes, and possibly relationships).
- Learn how to ride a unicycle.
On the positive side, looking at my biggest successes of the last 10 years, I might remind the future-me to consider the following:
- More fully love and appreciate John. Consider allowing him to do all of the talking on my behalf at extended family functions.
- Spawn more offspring.
- Go back to school and/or teaching one day.
- Learn how to ride a unicycle.
I’m not sure what Hallmark’s motto for 30 is, but I assume it has something to do with a hill. In running and biking, I always dread hills, tell everyone I hate them, and attempt to avoid them. Truthfully, I am really good at them.
♥HAPPY 30th BIRTHDAY, CLAIRE, WITH LOVE FROM YOUR PRODUCERS AND EDITORS.♥