Eliott, why did you get a spanking?

Because I wasn’t listening.

No. (But apparently also yes.)

Because I wasn’t following directions?

No.

Because I was being rough in the bathtub.

No. Eliott. It has to do with the gum.

Because I ate four pieces of gum.

No. Because you LIED TO ME about the gum. When I asked how much you ate, you didn’t tell the truth. Do you know what happens when you don’t tell the truth?

I get a spanking.

Well, yes, that, but do you know what else happens?

No.

Santa doesn’t come. He knows every time you lie. And then he doesn’t come.

(And, just in case you actually stop lying and he was thinking about coming, he’s now going to change his mind because Mommy used him in this very lesson. About lying.)

Eliott’s First Lesson In Irony (to be reviewed in 10 years)

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