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Now that I’m a full ten years into this motherhood gig, and my fourth child is 3, I’ve spent a little time around more kids than just mine. I have definitely discovered some truths.
First, my kids are not normal.
Second, not all children are naturally weird and inadvertently hilarious. Isaiah. For example.
For several years there I had been compiling the best of my Facebook status updates (some which I had published only to myself) and releasing a year-end review blog post. These have become my Life with Eliott & Carter series, and are some of my most loved posts of all time.
It turns out, I haven’t had as much substance for these posts because as my older girls moved out of the truly bizarre mental ages of 2-4 years old, the next kid to take their places has a perception of reality that is, more often than not, pretty accurate, a fact I cannot speak to for either of his big sisters at the same age (or even now, for that matter).
So, I’m three years behind on this post.
I think I probably need to give some context before you continue reading.
The following memories are things I jotted down directly after their original occurrence or utterance by one of my children. All statuses are cut and pasted directly from my Facebook feed and nothing has been altered, including typo’s. At this point, Eliott is 6, turning 7, and in 1st or 2nd grade at Calvary Baptist Day School. Carter is 4, turning 5, and in her final year of preschool and then 1st grade, also at Calvary. Isaiah is 1.
Halfway through these posts, Avery is born in August. Enjoy.
January 4, 2014
Carter: Who was the Mom when I was 1?
Me: Who is the Mommy now?
C: Well, you are. But there was a different Mommy when I was 1. You were still a high schooler. I remember.
Possibly a compliment.
February 25, 2014
“Eliott, if you were pink lemonade, I would totally choose to be in the same mouth as you.”
Sisterly love or a twisted Valentine’s Day card?
April 3, 2014
Me: Carter, why were you being so annoying to your sister this morning?
Carter: Because I’m a brat.
M: Well, do you like being a brat?
M: Then why don’t you just be sweet?
C: I don’t even know what being sweet means.
More truth has possibly never been spoken.
April 6, 2014
Gardening lesson #137: teaching Eliott about decomposition and compost, and how everything “living” can die and eventually become food for plants.
Eliott’s response: “So that means humans can also be plant food…we should put some dead baby fingers in the garden and see what happens.”
May 20, 2014
When Carter heard Isaiah wake up this morning at 9 she started chanting, “He is risen! He is risen!”
June 23, 2014
Our goodnight message to daddy (who can’t get phone calls):
Eliott says: i love you, goodnight, I miss you.
Carter says: Daddy, I’m very sad and it looks like you are dead and we just have a mom and night-night and I love you so much that I can go over there.
Isaiah says: (nothing, he just licked me goodnight and said “mama” a whole bunch.)
September 11, 2014
Me: Carter, say your memory verse.
Carter: What’s my memory verse?
M: Haven’t you been practicing it?
C: “And he was short.” That’s my memory verse.
September 29, 2014
Dinner table discussion on the difference between Catholics and Baptists:
Me: Well, Catholics and Baptists are pretty much opposites.
Eliott: Like how?
Me: Hm. Well. Baptists generally think that drinking drinky-drinks is like one of the WORST sins. And Catholics drink drinky-drinks IN CHURCH.
E: Well, this is pretty obvious. Catholics win that one.
October 17, 2014
While letting the girls watch cartoons (I’m feeding Avery) this, from Eliott: “Oh it’s Curious George next. Mommy ooze through it. Ooze through. Go with the flow.”
Girl knows my most hated cartoons.
November 7, 2014
Things that do not surprise me at all:
Leaving the book fair today…
Me: So Carter, what are you going to write in your diary?
Carter: I’m probably going to write a whole bunch of bathroom words.
November 13, 2014
A very (I repeat very) old lady offered to help me get my stuff to the car when she saw me with all my children at CVS today. I smiled and said, “Oh, it isn’t as chaotic as it looks, I promise.”
She replied, “Well you are doing it so gracefully, God bless your beautiful family.”
As I felt my heart and head filling with that kind of kick-ass-mom pride that I only get once in a while, my bubble was immediately burst with the image of my 5 year old – pelvic thrusting the automatic door and flexing her cartoonishly evil eyebrows.
November 22, 2014
Totally precious or totally weird, the reality of this morning is that Isaiah is breastfeeding a pink baby doll in the basement right now
November 26, 2014
The five year old just just approached me with: “Mommy. I think I would like to have a pull-up.” I asked if she wet the bed last night and she replied, “Oh no – not at night. During the day. I just hate walking all the way to the bathroom.”
There’s More Where This Came From: