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I have been mostly out of the blogosphere for several weeks now and getting back into it is a lot like deciding to go to the gym after weeks of physical inactivity. Nothing is comfortable. My work-out pants don’t look right, I can’t figure out what to do or where to start, and at the end of the day I’m left wondering if I should have just skipped it after all.

But this post has been long in coming. Contrary to popular belief, I don’t just sit around trying to get my kids to say funny things. And when I’m not on my A-game, I actually forget to write down plenty of what comes out of their never-silent mouths. Also, I keep waiting for the day that Eliott outgrows this list, and I’m starting to wonder if maybe that is completely impossible.

The following memories are things I jotted down directly after their original occurrence or utterance by one of my children. All statuses are cut and pasted directly from my Facebook feed. At this point, Eliott is 7, almost 8, and in 2nd grade at Calvary Baptist Day School and then 3rd grade at Clemmons Elementary School. Carter is 5, turning 6, and in 1st grade, also at Calvary, then 2nd grade in public school. Isaiah has just turned 2 and Avery turns 1 in August.

January 20, 2015
A little Tuesday afternoon visual for you: Isaiah, his cherub chub in all its naked glory. A bubble bath. Water mostly all over the bathroom floor, walls, mirror… At the top of his lungs, singing on repeat, “Let it go, let it go-oh…”
You’re welcome.

April 8, 2015
Today I told the girls about a friend (of our family) who is pregnant with her 5th child. Their responses:
Eliott: What?! Mommy she’s winning! You gotta catch up.
Carter: Oh no, Eliott. Mommy is NOT having any more babies. She wants no more little terrorist-es.

April 13, 2015

May 13, 2015
2nd grade “Author’s Day” is Tuesday. The name of Eliott’s story is “Lalaloopsy Missionaries” and I am so proud, for all the wrong reasons.

June 26, 2015
Segment of recent discussion with Eliott, about the neighbor’s escaped dog:
“…then me and Anna, like a dog and a farmer moving the cows over to the next field, just led Buddy over to the porch and had to haul him in there…”

July 7, 2015
Overheard from the playroom, decibel level exactly what you’d expect:
“ISAIAH! Argh! THIS is why I’m never having children! Not even a girl. And DEFINITELY NOT A BOY!!!!”
Happy birthday Carter Wait. May all your dreams come true.

July 30, 2015
So I’m officially done problem solving for my bickering daughters. Today’s moment of clarity comes after a physical (slap) fight where both girls are mad at each other and neither has apologized.
Me: Fine. Carter. What do you want? What do you want from Eliott right now that would make this all better?
Carter: Her money.
The birth of the American justice system right there, people.

August 13, 2015
Eliott in the backseat, doing “cootie-picker” fortunes with Carter: Three? Uno, dose, trace…. okay. Roe-joe? You will be rich when you grow up.
Me: Roe-joe?
Eliott: Yes. Mom. It means “red” in Spanish.

September 2, 2015

September 4, 2015
Isaiah: Mommy. Where’s my toast?
Me: I haven’t made breakfast yet. It’s not even 8 o’clock. Do you want a bagel?
Isaiah: Yes. I want tater tots, and ketchup, and strawberries. And blueberries or something.
*Or something.*

October 6, 2015
A glimpse into Eliott’s transition from Baptist school to public school:
Me: No, it isn’t Spirit Week, it’s a thing for ‘Say No to Drugs.’
Eliott: Say no to drugs?! Like we’re going to eat drugs?
Me: Do you even know what drugs are, Eliott?
Eliott: No. Not really.

November 15, 2015
Standard, contextually irrelevant conversations with Eliott:
E: Mommy. What are cappuccinos?
M: Coffee. Like the kind of coffee you get at Starbucks but without any milk.
E: Is there another kind of cappuccino? Like, parents or grownups or something?
M: Chaperones?
E: No. It started with a ‘ch-‘
M: Chaperones?
E: It was c-h- … cappuccinos.
M: Eliott where did you read this? Was it like, chaperoning a dance or something?
E: Diary of a Wimpy Kid. They were cappuccinos for a lock-in.
M: Chaperones.



December 15, 2015
When an older woman pointed out baby Jesus in the manger-scene table decoration at a Christmas party last weekend, Isaiah rolled his eyes and very calmly replied: “No. That is not baby Jesus. That is Avery.”

December 18, 2015
Quote of the night: “I’m a first-grader! How am I supposed to know all this stuff?!”
Touche.

December 27, 2015
Eliott’s dinner table discussion about how she’s basically the only white girl in her class who is friends with these two specific black girls ends with, “Well it makes sense because I’m pretty much black. I mean, when we put our arms together they are practically the same.”
#somuchtruth

There’s More Where This Came From
Life with Eliott and Carter, 2015

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