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Dear Eliott: this is a collection of my Facebook status updates from the past year or so. All were recorded on or near the actual date you said them. I did not change anything. By the time you are old enough to read this, Facebook will (hopefully) be a thing of the past. These gems, on the other hand, well, I never want to forget them. ♥ Mom.
Mom pops Eliott’s first pimple. Eliott’s response: “No mom! Don’t squash my cheeks. It’s burning!”
October 26, 2009
Eliott is in the bathtub saying the Pledge of Allegiance over and over, then congratulating herself with, “Good job, Eliott! Okay, it’s your turn…”
November 10, 2009
I’m pretty sure I just successfully potty trained my child in three days. Perhaps peeing on the floor at Barnes and Noble finally sealed the deal. Anyway, no more diapers for us.
November 23, 2009
“Leave me alone!” she screamed from behind the bathroom door. “You go home and leave me here!” Apparently my two year old turned thirteen last night.
December 10, 2009
Flash Dance Flashback: Eliott is rocking out in a hot pink headband (the stretchy circular kind) with her zippered jacket, sleeves pushed up, and shiny yellow pajama pants.
January 24, 2010
Eliott (talking to Grandma Wait on the phone): “Hey Grandma, you want to come to my house? For the birthday party? God’s coming. You can come too.”
January 31, 2010
Woke up to Eliott singing Alphalfa’s version of “You are so beaut-ee-ful,” from the toilet. I no longer ask, “Where does she learn this stuff?” I don’t even care any more.
February 14, 2010
Eliott (getting out of the tub): You pick up the toys, I’ll go potty.
Mom: Me pick up the toys?! BWWhat!? What do I look like?
Eliott: A rabbit.
February 25, 2010
Looking up at the sky, far away airplane making a smoke/cloud trail:
E: Hey Mommy, what’s that?
M: That’s an airplane, Eliott.
E: No, that’s not an airplane…look what it’s doing…
M: OK it’s a rocket.
E: Yeah. That’s a rocket. That’s the baby rocket and that one’s the daddy rocket.
Not Mommy rocket. Cool.
March 9, 2010
In response to the sound of a train whistle in the distance Eliott asks, “What’s that noise Mommy?” I respond, “I think you know what that noise is. What is it?” “Um, I think it’s either a turtle or a donut.”
Yes Eliott. That is the sound of a donut.
May 13, 2010
Eliott: “I wanna be big like Daddy.”
Mom:”Oh really? What will you do when you are big like daddy?”
Eliott: “Um, drive your car. And you can ride in Eliott’s seat.”
May 22, 2010
Examples of Eliott’s difficulty in learning prepositions: “Look Mama, I share the blocks to Carter.” | “Carter wants to get a kiss for me.” | And whenever I play-fight with John, Eliott says in her best mom-voice, “Knock it down, guys.”
June 6, 2010
Tonight at dinner, Eliott puts her head on my arm and exclaims (out of nowhere), “I love you very much!” … Followed by, “You are a good dog! The end.”
June 8, 2010
Eliott, please teach your sister how to sleep in until 8:00 like you do.
June 12, 2010
Eliott’s version of “London Bridge” definitely changes the word “lock” to “knock” in the line, “Take the key and lock her up.”
June 12, 2010
Mom quote of the day: “Find your underwear so we can make breakfast for Daddy.”
June 20, 2010
“Eliott, who is Daddy’s wife?” “Mommy.” “That’s right. And who is Mommy’s husband?” “Um… Neal!”
Need to work on that one.
June 24, 2010
Eliott just declared her baby’s name is “Fussypoopy.” I’d say that sounds about right.
June 28, 2010
Mom: Oh – you are right. I was wrong. Can Mommy be wrong?
Eliott: No. You can’t be wrong. Only Eliott can be wrong. Okay?
June 29, 2010
Mom: If you break Carter’s crib, where is she going to sleep?
Eliott (eyes downcast): In my bed. (A completely unprompted response, I swear.)
M: That’s right. And if she’s in your bed, where are you going to sleep?
M: On the floor.
E (with wide eyes): I don’t want to be scared! Can I sleep on the changing table?
July 6, 2010
“Daddy, you’re going to play the soccer? That means, every time you run, you fall down. Yeah. That’s just like Eliott.”
July 11, 2010
Eliott’s things to do list:
1. See the kids at the gym.
2. Turn the BVD in to Blockmustard.
3. Get a cookie at the Harris Teeter.
4. If I’m really good, maybe we go to Chick-a-lay.
July 20, 2010
E: What’s that smell, Mommy?
M: I don’t know Eliott.
E: It smells like stop signs. Doesn’t it smell like stop signs out here?
*Ah yes. Remind me never to bring one home.
August 3, 2010
Q: “Eliott, why did you take Ethan’s toy?”
A: “Because I’m American.”
August 22, 2010
The more I read to her, the more she reads to herself. What a fabulous discovery.
August 25, 2010
I think I ask God for “A good nap today,” more often than I asked for boobs as a 13 year old.
August 28, 2010
Shopping for houses on Saturday Eliott says to the realtor: “Yeah, we need a new house cause the Big Bad Wolf is coming to blow our house down.”
September 7, 2010
My child is pulling the base of our blender around the house by its chord saying things like, “Come on, Pinky,” “Sit still,” and finally, “Don’t be a freak.”
September 10, 2010
All three of the girls took naps until 5 o’clock today. Who snuck into my house and drugged us? I’d like to thank him personally.
September 21, 2010
Eliott just chose Bob Ross over Barney. There’s hope.
September 25, 2010
This morning at breakfast: “If I don’t eat this banana, are you going to kick me in the nuts?” (I’d like to thank my 3 year old, for bringing to my attention, yet another phrase I need to stop using on John.)
October 1, 2010
Eliott’s made up song in the grocery store today (compose your own tune, it will sound about the same): “I don’t love quiche…I don’t love quiche…Quiche is like egg pie and I don’t love quiche.”
October 2, 2010
“Noah is Jesus’ daddy. Yeah, and Egypt is his mom.” – Brookwood, what are you teaching my child?
October 3, 2010
“Mommy, sometimes being a big girl is just too hard.”
October 5, 2010
Amazed how many times a day I find myself saying, “PUT YOUR UNDERWEAR ON.”
October 6, 2010
Tonight at dinner Eliott said, “Good grief, Mom, you blockhead.” Can you tell what we’ve been watching every day of October??
October 18, 2010
“Mommy, there’s music in my head right now.”
“Oh yeah? What song is it?”
“You know! You can hear it!”
She was right.
October 21, 2010
As I witnessed my children engineer a system by which the 3-year-old removes the 1-year-old from the crib – I suddenly rethought my recent ‘Aleve: Easy Open Arthritis Cap’ purchase.
November 1, 2010
My husband is The Grinch. Today, in the middle of my rampage against his hatred of Christmas lights (who hates Christmas lights?!) Eliott interrupts with: “Hey Mommy, just a minute.” She then turns to John and says, “Can you please say, ‘Yes Mommy’?”
November 25, 2010
“Do you want to dip your steak in ketchup?”
“Um, no. Chocolate. Can I have chocolate with my steak?”
December 2, 2010
Breakfast with Santa this morning. “No Daddy, you can’t sit on his lap. You’re too big. If you get on his knees, they might break. Maybe you can just sit in a chair to talk to him.
December 4, 2010
E: Mommy, I need you to listen. Not like Tristan. He doesn’t obey.
M: Um, okay. Who’s Tristan?
E: Not Tristan, TrUSTan. From Eliott’s song. Trustan. Obey.
December 7, 2010
Eliott told me she hears the song “Do Your Ears Hang Low” when she’s brushing her teeth. I only understand this because So. Do. I.
December 17, 2010